The Shlucha and the Supermodel
April 30th, 2010 Print
By Savvima.com
It is not often that you will find a young observant woman, sheitel and all, on a national television show hosted by a supermodel. If that’s not enough, she confidently articulates, in front of a live audience and being watched by millions on television, the most delicate topic of Judaism’s unique approach to family purity.
You may have seen the video. It was recently making its way into and out of people’s inboxes without identifying the woman and with no explanation of its context.
Savvima.com tracked down the woman, who turned out to be Faya Lipskier, the Shlucha of Chabad of the West Sixties in Manhattan, to find out the story behind her appearance on the Tyra Banks Show.
Faya Lipskier grew up on Manhattan’s Upper West Side, the daughter of the Chabad Shluchim there, Rabbi Shlomo and Rivkah Kugel. Even though she and her husband now run their own Chabad House Faya still directs her parent’s Gan Israel summer day camp.
It was there, while walking through the office one afternoon that she, by chance, answered a ringing phone. On the line was a producer from the Tyra Banks Show.
Tyra Banks, a supermodel, has a daytime talk show that airs on national TV aimed at empowering young women through discussing the issues they face. The show hosts celebrities and will often have Banks and other experts giving advice on relationships and fashion.
The producer on the phone explained that she was working on a show on the topic of menstruation and was seeking information on special traditions relating to this topic. She could not have found a better person to answer the phone. As a young Shlucha in Manhattan, Faya teaches and mentors scores of brides and women, from all Jewish backgrounds, on the beauty and laws of family purity.
Faya explained to her the concept of Taharas HaMishpacha and Mikvah and the amazing impact that following these laws can have on a marriage. The producer, who is Jewish, had never heard about any of this before and was really enthralled by the whole idea of having a “honeymoon” every month. She also liked the fact that it was an ongoing part of a woman’s life and not a one-time tradition. She invited Faya to come on the show along with representatives of various other religions each of whom would present their faiths’ unique customs relating to menstruation.
Faya’s initial thought was to kindly reject the offer. She felt uncomfortable speaking about such a private topic in such a public forum and wasn’t thrilled about going on camera only four months after she had given birth. But she told the producer that she would think about it and get back to her. After speaking it over with her husband they decided that nothing is by chance and if she is being presented with an opportunity to go on national television and introduce so many women to this important mitzvah then she has an obligation to do so.
Faya called back the producer and said that she would come on the show on three conditions. For reasons of modesty she would appear alone and without her husband, she would only talk about the topic in general and not about herself personally, and they had to promise that there would be no surprises like an arranged guest that would highjack her message and put a negative spin on Mikvah.
They agreed.
Initially, the producers planned to have women from different religions present their traditions on the topic. But upon further research, they felt that Judaism’s approach was the most empowering to women, and Faya’s customs were the only ones they would incorporate into the program.
“To be honest, I was extremely nervous. For the entire week before the show I was praying that I would not mess up.” Faya told Savvima.com. “The producers were all very respectful of my religious needs. They went out of their way to prepare fruit for me since they knew I could eat only kosher. They allowed me to bring my sister to watch my baby while I was on the show and each staff member actually had a note on their clipboard stating “HASIDIC WOMAN – DOES NOT SHAKE HANDS WITH MEN”.
But once she was backstage and she began speaking with the other guests who were on the show and the issues they were meant to discuss she realized that her message was really the only one that had depth to it. Realizing how much she had to offer gave Faya a new sense of confidence which can be seen on the video as she speaks eloquently without a trace of nervousness visible. (She was very proud of herself for remembering to smile and say “Hi Tyra!” when she began!)
In fact, a number of the issues that were raised on the show do not exist for Jewish couples precisely because of the observance of Taharas HaMishpacha.
Some of the women who styled Faya’s sheitel and make-up before the show were African American and often wear hair pieces and weaves. They got a real kick out of Faya’s wig collection (she brought a few not knowing which would look best) prompting one of them to say “You’ve got a black girl’s soul with all those wigs!” Faya referred them to her grandmother whose name is Freeda. Yes, that one.
Since it was only Faya, and not a panel of people who would be presenting a religious tradition, they planted her in the audience instead of putting her on stage. She began by gracefully explaining the concept of Taharas HaMishpacha and courageously made a point of not diluting the details.
“It was important to me that anyone who saw me speaking would get a real understanding of Taharas HaMishpacha and not a watered down version.” explains Faya.
The only time she hesitated, and only for a millisecond, was when the host, Tyra, went off the script and asked “What happens if you break the rules?”
“At that moment I made a split second decision to answer the question in totality. I felt that I was representing Judaism and I wanted to make sure that anyone watching this who might be inspired to take on this mitzvah would have as much information as I could possibly impart in this framework. And that was why I specifically made a point to mention the laws of the harchakos.”
Faya credits Siyata Dishmaya, help from Above, for putting the right words in her mouth and only hopes that people who watch the video may be inspired to go the Mikvah.
Her message is definitely getting out there. Someone posted the video online trying to show how Orthodox Judaism is misogynistic and it has received more than 30,000 views. But, ironically, many of the comments about the video are positive.
In the words of one commenter, “I think this woman did a fantastic job describing the beauty of the mikvah and keeping family purity. I can speak from experience that keeping to these laws has enhanced our marriage tremendously on many different levels.”
By going out of her personal comfort zone and onto the show, and speaking in such a dignified manner, Faya serves as a role model to Jewish women everywhere to be proud of their unique and beautiful traditions.
“Mikvah is one of the most beautiful and important mitzvos. It guarantees the future of the Jewish people.” says Faya. “As a matter of fact Jewish law states that building a mikvah takes priority over building a shul. I feel that even if only one person watched the show or sees the video and is inspired to take on this mitzvah is was worth all of the effort.”
Now that’s a supermodel.
Go faya! Go faya! Go Go Go faya!
SCS
What an inspiring article. You truly are a role model!
Okay. Well that was niddah sugar coated. And…. did she really compare the mikvah to a spa? Does anyone out there really feel pampered at the mikvah?
1000% I feel like I’m at a spa each time I go to the Mikvah. Don’t judge until you’ve been so blessed as to have the same experience. I’ve been to Canyon Ranch and yes, this parallels’
I personally disagree with how Faya portrayed the mikvah making it seem as if its a beautiful Spa treatment for woman.. Not to be disrespectful to those of you who find the mikvah pleasant and beautiful but I think its fair to say that for many woman it isn’t the case, I speak from personal experiences.
I was married for 6 years in an arranged marriage I didn’t love my husband nor did I find him attractive, I kept going to the mikvah out of fear that I will be breaking halacha and burn in hell, I hated the mikvah ritual, I cried every single time I had to go..
Not everyone finds it to be a pleasant experience, the fact is that Faya had this all thing setup how and what she is going to say and also made sure that she wont be interrupted by anyone with questions this goes to show that really there is a lot more to the all Mikvah ritual THEN a saying its a beautiful Spa treatment for orthodox woman..
Jill,
I think that if you were in a good marriage, where you felt whole and happy, and loved, you would have the same feeling as Faya. For me, being in a great marriage, and loving my husband more than words can express, Mikvah is the best day of the month for me. And I do feel pampered the day of the mikvah, because I would have a mani-pedi, wax the excessive hair, shave where needs to be shaved,…
I wish for you the happiness that you probably don’t have. May Hashem shower you with people who love you and a hubby who will treat you like a Queen.
Sara, I’m sorry that you sufferend in your marriage and were miserable keeping mikvah.. I only shared it on Tyra because from my experience and many of my friends mikvah has been thank G-d positive. No it is not THE marriage saver, but I felt that in a good relationship, others can experience the same positivity. Also, to the other poster who does not feel the mikvah is like a spa. Granted, many (or most, rather) mikvas are not spa-like. I did not have time to elaborate (thats why you can’t really make judgements on how I spoke when you did not see the whole show- they barely gave me any time and as it is spoke wayyy longer then they had planned to give me) but the mikvah on the Upper East Side for one IS spa-like. And for many, living in simple homes, with lots of children, the experience of getting out at night and taking a bath (even at an ugly, sub-par mikvah… and side-point I wish there was a way to raise funds faster for them all to be beautiful) in peace and quiet, with time to reflect, focus, BE, is quite spa-like. I’m sorry it came across as an exaggeration and again I would have loved to elaborate on what I meant. Additionally, I am quite comfortable presenting my view on mikvah even with someone who doesn’t feel the same as me debating me. I understand that there are people who do not experience mikvah in the same positive way as me and many of my married friends and women I know here on the West Side. I’ve met many people who did not love it. I just felt an obligation, as a representative of something bigger than myself, to not be associated personally with a negative PR stunt for mikvah. Feel free to email me: faya@chabadw60s.com . Best.
One more thing regarding the “spa-like” comment Faya made…. whether exaggerated or not…
A few months ago, I was travelling to Florida by car with my family, and as it turned out I need to go to the mikvah one night on the way there. I called the Chabad House and she was kind enough to set it up. Coming from Montreal, where the mikvah is a nice building, with spa-like rooms, I had no idea what I was in for. I did my preps at the hotel, and the family drove me to my “friend’s office” and waited for me in the car. It was in the basement of the back of a run-down building, one small little shower stall, in the same room as the mikvah, a horrible looking place. But let me tell you, I was so happy to be able to find a mikvah in the middle of nowhere, that the location, and the terrible looks of this place did not matter one bit. And when I returned to the car from my “friend’s office”, my 8 year old daughter said, mom you look so good, did you put on make-up or something? I said yes and sat in the front seat of the car. But the truth was that I did not have a stitch of make-up on. It was the aura around me, the pure essence of what I had just done, dunked in the mikvah that made me beautiful, not only in my hubby’s eyes who knew what I had just done, but in my kid’s eyes, who had no idea that I was not wearing any make up. Wishing you all only great mikvah experiences. xoxo
Jill – true, many mikovaos are not spa-like. But many, many are. Almost any mikvah that was built in the last ten years is usually very beautiful. In my community the mikvah is gorgeous.
Sara – i am sorry that you were in a bad relationship. but perhaps and understandably that was the reason your were anxious about going to the mikvah, and not about the mikvah itself. Meaning, if you did love your husband and did find him attractive going to the mikvah would be a completely different experience.
Faya you are amazing! you made a real kiddush hashem– and for those who disagree about mikvahs being like spas– they are!- unless you live somewhere where your mikvah is gross, and then you can prepare most of what you need to do at home– its the idea that is spa-like anyways– pampering yourself and making yourself totally clean physically and spiritually. I dont think there is a time that you have to be more clean in your whole life– every fingernail needs to be cleaned under- no nail polish- not a trace of eye makeup, no stray hairs etc… its like pesach cleaning for your body,- you feel really good knowing you cant get any cleaner….and then returning to your husband- (if you missed him over the past two weeks) makes the mikvah even more exciting and special. i just gave birth and can not wait to go back to the mikvah- ive missed out for nine months. anyways its a huge mitzvah- so whether or not we like it- in the end its important to do it, and it cant hurt to be more positive about it.
You did a beautiful beautiful job.. representing such an in depth complicated subject on one foot… you really made is sound so special ( cos it is!!)
!!!
THANK YOU What an amazing kiddush Hashem!!
Did you see the faces of alot of the women on the clip? they looked jealous of us
So Kewl… so Amazing..
Thank you …
Faya, it’s just that i think of the spa as a place were i am relaxed and pampered, and at the mikvah you can’t exactly lay back and shut off, as you have to meticulously prepare yourself for t’vilah. I understand that you didn’t have much time to explain and you didn’t want to leave people with the impression that mikvah was a filthy, creepy place, as most mikvos are very clean and beautiful. The women seemed really intrigued as opposed to being weirded out.
All in all, I think the whole thing was a kiddush Hashem. Kol hakavod to you!
Faya-
I think you made a beautiful, tasteful, appropriate Kiddush Hashem. I can’t say that *all* my mikvah experiences have been spa-like (partly because ours is currently being renovated) but my very FIRST mikvah experience was. The message I took from your, well, message (!), is that I need to re-educate myself about the Harchakot as well as my personal need to find that spa-like beauty when I go (the spiritual piece of the spa, that is). Yes, there are times when leaving the house and telling my kids that I’m going “somewhere” to do “something” gets old. And yes, not every mikvah lady is, shall we say, inspiration- inducing. Still, the mitzvah is about me, my husband, our family, and the Torah that serves as the basis for all of us. You did a truly terrific job of educating, respectfully promoting, and standing your ground all while discussing this mitzvah. Oh, and the sheitel? Looked fabulous! And I wouldn’t have known you’d just had a baby either! I’d say well done ALL the way around! Kol tuv!!
Rachel