The Million Dollar Question “How Do I Get My Husband to Be More Attentive?”

The Chronicles of Crisis column in this week’s Jewish Press featured a letter from a woman asking how she can get her husband to be more attentive and giving.

Dear Rachel,

I’ll get straight to the point. How do I get my husband to be more attentive in a “giving” sense? I can understand not splurging or wasting. For instance, some would consider spending money on fresh flowers that last for only a couple of days a waste of money.

So I compromised and asked my husband (beforehand) to bring me just one flower, like a rose, to the hospital when I would give birth (this past summer). Needless to say, the baby (and winter) is already here and I am still waiting.

Since he is completely not tuned to important (meaningful) dates, I guess I should have known better. For example: Recently, when the day of my birthday was coming to a close with no mention of anything, I gently prodded him by asking him if he remembered any significance to the day. His response (I’m not kidding): “Is it our anniversary?”

Some people may not call this a problem, but still it would be nice to receive some special attention once in a while.

I wonder if this is related to the trait of stinginess. My husband does have a bit of miserliness in him, I must admit. If my children or I am in need of something, like in the way of clothing, it takes some convincing to make him come around. This can become frustrating, especially since it’s not like I have my own expense account or am independently wealthy.

By the way, I have a close friend whose husband buys her flowers every Friday. This not only enhances their Shabbos table but I am sure promotes good feelings between them as well. But I wouldn’t dare to suggest such a move to my husband!

Do you have any ideas, Rachel, of how I can get him to sit up and take notice?

In need of some TLC

Is this simply a case of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus or can this be taught?